It’s Like The Wave, But With Words
If you’re like me, you often make it a point to throw an odd phrase into conversations to see if you can get other people to start using it. It’s like starting the wave except with words. My wife like to describe this practice as, “You’re a jerk, Adam.”
As I’ve mentioned before in this column, I thoroughly enjoy words and the way they interact when we fumble around trying to convey grand ideas with them. In reflecting on my own use of words, I am often embarrassed at the amount of times I use the same phrase. We all develop our own catchphrases from time to time and I find that to be a great disservice to language. Not only do we only focus on those easy phrases, we tend to ignore the more complicated and risky phrases.
What follows are phrases that don’t get used enough and I hope to introduce into the next conversation in which I find myself.
“I don’t know.” A common criticism of elementary school is that it eliminates that phrase from our vocabulary. If we are asked a question, we should know the answer and if not, we must explain why. We learn to be embarrassed to not know information. Don’t be embarrassed to not know things. As my wife will be happy to tell you, there’s all kinds of stuff I don’t know. Admitting I don’t know something is how I get someone else to teach me.
“I’m wrong… and you’re right.” First, this must be genuine. We’ve all used it to end a conversation we didn’t want to be in, but if it’s going to have real conversational weight, it has to be genuine. The other key to this one is that you need both parts. Some of us can admit to being wrong but won’t concede that the other party was right the whole time. Some of us, like Fonzie, won’t admit that we’re wrong even in the face of a clearly correct counterpart.
Admitting that you are mistaken in light of another person’s presentation is a vital skill. It is also the only way to move a conversation forward. Otherwise, we are all stuck moving a stubborn mule. If we don’t allow ourselves to be wrong, we will remain in argument. Argument is a separate paradigm from conversation.
“I never thought of it that way.” This is one of my favorites and readers with good memories might recall that this phrase marks the top of my list for what the objective of any conversation should be. It represents an openness to new ideas and a willingness to engage in the living organism that is conversation. If I want my conversational partner to walk away with this phrase in their mind, I must be willing to entertain the thought as well.
“That reminds me of…” This is one I’ve been told I use too much and tend to get giddy and pretentious when I do. I love sharing outside sources and bringing the thoughts of others into conversations. I feel it not only continues the conversation but advances the conversation. If we don’t bring additional information into the conversation, the conversation doesn’t achieve anything. It’s the same information spinning round and round forever. That sounds terrible.
Generally speaking, I try to avoid conversation. When I can’t, I challenge myself to make it a novel and worthwhile experience. During your next gum flapping exchange, try one of these phrases on for size. See what it does for not only you and your partner, but also for the quality of your conversation.
