If You See Me Wandering The Parking Lot…
If you’re like me, you once drew the ire of the entire fencing team because you delayed the party by half an hour. We had already arrived at our destination, our favorite breakfast spot, but I had noticed something in the parking lot that demanded my immediate intervention. It was a display of such neglect and disregard for the existence of other human beings that I, as a member of society, Eagle Scout, and comic book aficionado would not have been able to sleep if I did not correct the situation. I had to put those stray shopping carts into the corral.
Parking lots are very stressful places for me. Simply thinking about those lawless confines makes me a bit twitchy. To be fair, they are not lawless, we simply ignore laws implied, resulting in a realm of such chaos and terror that it keeps me up at night. If you’ve engaged in any of the following activities, know that we probably wouldn’t be friends.
Getting back to our example from up top, put your shopping carts back in the corral! Other human beings exist and are inconvenienced by your laziness. If you don’t return your carts, not only are you likely taking up a parking spot, potentially causing damage to a vehicle if they run into it, but you’re also making more work for the employees. It’s someone’s job to bring all those carts back in no matter weather, time of day, or impromptu tailgate. Don’t be the one to make them chase all over the lot for them.
Side note: getting them close to the lamp post because you couldn’t be bothered to look for the corral doesn’t count. Not to mention the people that think they can leave it in a handicap spot. Who thinks that’s acceptable?
The day I got my driver’s license, I had a trumpet lesson. The advice my teacher had for me was Congratulations. Drive slowly downtown. Drive even slower in a parking lot. Fun note, all laws on the road apply to parking lots as well. That includes turn signals, lane markings, and any posted speed limits. Even if it’s not posted, getting to the grocer shouldn’t be like crossing to the speedway infield.
Speaking of lane markings, if there are arrows indicating what direction you should drive and you ignore them, you have actively contributed to suffering in the world and must be stopped. Even if there are not arrows, you can tell by the orientation of the parking spots. The spots are set up so that it is easy for you to pull in. If the lanes run \\ //, you’re good. If the lanes run // \\, see the top of this paragraph.
Once you have made it through the lot at a proper speed and in the proper direction, take up one, and only one spot. Your car is not that special that you get to inconvenience the rest of us. Also, shoot for the middle. If you’re that person that is happy to get most of your vehicle in the spot, know that I will make it a point to park right next to you. I assume you’re crossing into my spot because you want to get close.
We’re all just trying to get by in this crazy world. Following these simple parking lot guidelines won’t bring about world peace, but it will make it a slightly calmer existence. And prevent me from spending thirty minutes in an adjoining parking lot ushering carts back while a bunch of my sword fighting friends heckle me from the diner.
