The Children’s Story That Still Haunts Me

     If you’re like me, there is a story from your youth that frightens you to your core. Maybe you weren’t ready for tales of terror, maybe it just hit you wrong, but it’s a tale that haunts you. Merely thinking of it sends a shiver up your spine. I heard my story early on and it made a home deep in my mind. As my wife can attest, it brings me to tears to this day.

It’s not a scary story, but it haunts me. I am haunted by Shel Silverstein’s “The Giving Tree.”

It is a much-lauded book and one most of you are familiar with. If you aren’t, despite what I say here, I recommend it. Simply, it’s the relationship between a boy and a tree who love each other for the companionship. As the boy grows, he develops more specific and “civilized” desires, and the tree gives of itself to make the boy happy.

After taking the apples for money, the branches for a house, and the trunk for a boat, the boy returns as an old man to what is now a stump. A stump is perfect for the boy, now an old man, to sit and rest. The two are reunited.

This story always made me sad because the boy makes continuing demands of the tree which sacrifices almost all of itself out of love. There isn’t a thank you or any indication the boy understands how lopsided the relationship becomes. The tree always seemed so lonely.

At the same time, I understand the boy. As one grows into adulthood, one accumulates more responsibilities and obligations. In those times of desperation, it’s important to be able to rely on your friends and relationships.

It’s an obvious metaphor for humanity’s use of nature and it’s easy to stop the analysis there. When’s the last time any of us thought about the trees leveled to make the homes we live in or the desk I’m writing this on?

As I grew, I took a different message from the story. I didn’t want to be the boy. I didn’t want to be the person in any friendship that took more than they contributed to the relationship. We’ve all been in those kinds of relationships, on both sides of the equation, I’d wager. It’s often difficult to understand how you got there, especially when you realize you’re the taker.

Then I started thinking about the story as representing unconditional love. The story starts by saying that the boy loved the tree, and the tree loved the boy. I don’t know where the boy’s love went but the tree kept supporting the boy. We’re led to believe the tree’s devotion is out of a pure and eternal connection to the boy. The boy is never shown to return the sentiment. I have always struggled understanding that kind of relationship.

Then I became a father. Perpetually giving, willingly sacrificing of yourself for the betterment of another, almost always without any substantial understanding on the part of the other; that sounds like parenthood.

I don’t know that any of these interpretations are “correct”. This story continues to haunt me though. It haunts me to think that I’ve been the boy, a consuming friend. I know I’ve been an ungrateful child. It haunts me to know that I will be the tree as an essential part of being a parent.

You can keep your ghosts and goblins. When I want a chill up my spine and a tear in my eye, I read “The Giving Tree”.

May we all return to our stumps.