A Valentine Recipe
If you’re like me, you’ve been hanging on to the following text exchange for almost a year. I wanted to write about it back then, but because of the two-week cycle of these articles, I had to hold off. I wrote down the essentials and put it at the bottom of a pile on my desk where I knew my wife would never find it and I would be reminded of every 3 months or so when I decide to clean. Here we are, nearly at Valentine’s Day again, and I can finally get rid of that scrap of paper.
A couple days before last Valentine’s Day, while I was grocery shopping, my wife sent me the following text messages. “If you want a valentine’s dessert:
· Get vanilla cake mix and sweetened condensed milk both in baking aisle
· Strawberries, blueberries, and another raspberry so we don’t take the baby’s
· 8 oz cream cheese
· Whipped Cream (not Cool Whip.)”
This was followed with a picture of the condensed milk.
When my wife sent me that list of information, I was very moved. Not only did it mean a delicious dessert (and it was) to complement the traditional dinner I make, but it also underscored why she is my valentine.
I should explain that my wife knows that I turn into an idiot the moment I enter any grocery store. I don’t know what mental block I have or what magic spell grocery stores cast on me, but I never know where to find anything.
It doesn’t matter if I have been to the store before or if I have purchased a particular item before, I will spend the majority of my time wandering up and down the same aisles, passing the thing I’m looking for, completely oblivious to its presence. The simplest things, like trying to remember if an item comes in a box or jar only to find out that it’s in a bag on the other side of the store, has ruined an entire afternoon for me.
My wife knows me well enough to give me step-by-step items to get, but also to tell me where to look for those items because I will get lost otherwise. Even better, she sent me pictures so I might leave the store before my items spoiled. By acknowledging my shortcomings and working with them, she was setting us both up for success and making sure we would have a delicious meal.
It’s common wisdom that when you fall in love with another person, you become blinded to their faults. In my experience, that has been true, and disastrously so once or twice. It has also been my experience that the blindness doesn’t last. That’s usually about the time the relationship falls apart. To prevent the collapse, there is a pressure to maintain that blindness. I would offer the previous story as a counterargument.
It’s important to recognize and acknowledge the shortcomings of your partner. (If my wife ever develops any, I’ll be sure to note them.) By accepting the complete character of your partner, positive and negative, you can both work to improve shortcomings or figure out how they can be made up for by the other person. The couple makes each other stronger by being part of the relationship.
It’s not about what you give and what you take from the relationship. Rather, a relationship should be judged by what the combination of the individuals generates. Condensed milk, berries, cream cheese, and whipped cream all have their strengths and weaknesses. When they are brought together though, they create something far greater.
